The Hands Push and Pull
by jyorraku
Summary: Alex and Nikita on opposite sides. The conversation before.  Michael/Nikita, Alex


The diner was quiet. A couple murmuring to each other in the corner booth. Two guys at the counter, sipping coffee on a work break.

Nikita zoomed in on Alex immediately. Alex sat with her back to the wall, with a clear vantage point of the entire diner and the pedestrians outside it. Before Nikita came into the diner, Alex would have already spotted her crossing the street. Still vigilant and careful, that much was a relief. Alex looked good, and if her demeanor was a bit cold, Nikita sadly understood it.

When she got to the booth, Nikita itched to give her former protégé a bear hug, but Alex only stared into her black coffee until Nikita no choice but to take a seat and listen to what Alex had to say.

A waitress came by to take Nikita's order. Nikita figured if she couldn't wrap her arms around Alex, she might as well get a hot tea to warm her hands. They sat in synchronous silence until the waitress came with the tea and left. Nikita wrapped her hands around the cup, grateful for the heat.

"Walk away," Alex said, finally, as she glanced up and caught Nikita's worried gaze.

Upon hearing Alex's words, Nikita shuttered her eyes, her lips thinning with resolution.

Alex forged onward. "You and Michael. You have nothing to gain and everything to lose. Percy's on his way out, Oversight will take care of him soon or later. Could you live with yourself if Michael dies because you just couldn't walk away?"

Nikita stared incredulously at Alex, her eyes brimming with hurt and heartache. "Is that a threat?" she whispered, as if she couldn't quite say the words.

Alex sharply averted Nikita's gaze and took a sip of her coffee. She set the cup down with an unsteady clank and quickly stowed her hands under the table. Taking a quick breath, Alex lifted her chin and flashed Nikita a brittle smile. "Don't make the same mistake you did with Daniel."

Those words sent Nikita reeling, a knife to her gut.

Watching the blood drain Nikita's face, Alex grimaced and hastily added, "You and Michael can have a family. Kids, a white picket fence—"

"I wanted those things for you!" Nikita cried out, her voice a raw wound. Everyone in the diner turned and gawked.

Stunned by Nikita's outburst, Alex was helpless to react, but under the watchful gaze of the diner patrons, she reached out and grasped Nikita's hands. She stiffly smiled back at the openly curious faces until one by one, they politely turned away. Alex was about to sit back when Nikita flipped her hands and clenched Alex's in hers. Alex tugged, but Nikita wouldn't release her and Alex didn't want to make another scene.

"Let go, Nikita," Alex growled.

If anything, it only made Nikita hold on tighter. "Those things can be yours, Alex. You wanted to get out—"

"That was a childish dream. Zetrov is my legacy and I'm going to get it back," Alex hissed, struggling against Nikita's grip, trying to get some space between herself and her former mentor.

"Alex, no," Nikita pleaded, "The things I've done, I can't take them back, but you can still get out."

Alex stilled, her breath evened as she turned her flat gaze on Nikita. "I can forgive, but I won't forget." Suddenly, Alex's hands were free. Alex calmly sat back, pulling her jacket close and adjusting the loose strands of her hair.

"I saved you," Nikita stated softly. She hadn't even known who Alex was back then, only that she was too young to be involved in anything Division wanted gone. If Division had discovered what she had done, she would have been canceled without reprieve and Alex would have been tracked down and killed just the same. She hadn't known what else to do. Alex's father had been too big a target; he had to die in order for her to save Alex. But all the rationalization couldn't help what had happened after. "I wanted to help you," she said, to Alex, to herself.

Alex tilted her head, eyes blinking slowly. "You can still help me," she said carefully, "If I give Oversight the black box, they'll give me everything I need to take down Semak. If you really do want to help me, you'd give up that black box."

Nikita's face went blank. "Amanda's taught you well," she said with a small sad smile.

Alex mirrored Nikita's smile. "Everything I learned in Division, you taught me first."

Recoiling, Nikita took a deep breath before speaking succinctly, "I'm not giving you the black box."

"Then I'll have to take it from you." Alex considered the steely look in Nikita's eyes and concluded dryly, "I don't think we can be friends anymore."

Nikita stared the young woman in front of her, and replied steadily, "We don't have to be enemies."

"It's your choice." Alex stood to leave. She stopped beside Nikita and asked, "How much is your obsession really worth, Nikita?"

"Alex!" Nikita caught Alex's arm, panic seeping into her mask of calm. She didn't want this to be it, to be the last conversation they ever have.

Alex brushed her off. "It's Alexandra now. Good-bye, sensei."

The tea was cold when Nikita opened her eyes. Michael sat in the seat Alex vacated. Nikita's heart ached with loss even as she drank in the concern in Michael's eyes.

"What did she say?" he asked quietly.

Nikita inhaled sharply and swallowed, making sure her voice wouldn't crack before she spoke. "Nothing we don't already know."

Michael studied her face. He pried her cold fingers off the tea cup and held her hands in his until they were warm once more. When she still didn't speak, he sighed. "Nikita, what is it?"

Her eyes took time to focus on his, but when they did, Michael saw her pain and the stark fear that gripped her. "I want to know we're doing this for the right reasons. I don't want to lose you too."

"Nikita." Michael's voice was not soft or comforting. It was strong and concise, giving life to the words that would lead them into the battlefields once more. "We can't pretend to be people we're not, pretend that none of this matters. I don't ever want to pretend again and you don't either. It's not a choice. We're doing this because it's who we are."

Nikita gazed wide-eyed and expressionlessly at Michael until his ears pinked. Her eyes softened playfully as she grinned hugely at him. "I knew there was a reason why I let you tag along."

Michael couldn't help but grin back at Nikita, tucking a lock of her hair behind her ear and sneaking a caress to a sensitive spot behind her neck. She leaned into his touch, stopping short of a purr. He muttered, "I thought it was because you wanted to have your way with m—"

"I love you," Nikita sighed into his hand, placing a kiss inside the lines of his palm.

Michael pulled her warm hands to his lips. "I love you too."

End.

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